For Boredom's Sake: Eric's Tale - Chapter II: Of Gods and Idiots

For Boredom's Sake: Eric's Tale

Chapter II: Of Gods and Idiots
By Eric Greer


When he finally awoke, Eric found himself lying in the fetal position, a sense of euphoria coursing through every nerve ending in his body. The feeling was intoxicating, and his mind was dazed. It took him a few moments to realize that he was lying on a large, round table, in a round room. All around him were thrones, hewn from marble, each themed slightly differently. Sunlight streamed down upon him from an opening in the domed ceiling, high above him.
"Mmm..." he said to himself, as he rolled around on the table top, touching his arms. "This is... strange...."
"Ah, he is awake," said a voice. Lazily turning his head, his eyes half open, Eric saw a man walk into the room from a large doorway behind one of the thrones. He was a tall, muscular man, great in stature. His mighty, manly beard hinted at the power he held. He was followed by other men and women of equally or slightly lesser stature.
Finally, after all but one of the thrones were occupied, the man spoke again.
"Sir Eric the Black of Door of the Odder Shaped Table. You were in an incredibly wicked man in life." His face was hard and stern.
"I had fun though... hehe..." giggled Eric, still rolling about the table, euphoria gripping him in an idyllic stupor.
The man sighed as he sat his forehead in his left hand.
Suddenly, Eric's body became rigid as the euphoria was replaced by a shocking pain.
"Now, where was I? Ah, yes. Sir Eric the Black of Door of the Odder Shaped Table," the man said again. "You were an incredibly wicked man in life. Yet, we have decided to give you a chance to redeem yourself."
"And who are you to give such chances?" Eric spat, his body crumpled on the table top. Pain raced once more though his body as the man stood up from his throne.
"We," his voice boomed, "are your gods. My name is Sol! Do you not wish to redeem yourself? Or would you rather be sent back to Hell? I'm sure there are a million others who would jump at such an opportunity."
"Nope, nope, I'm good," Eric said quickly, as the pain subsided. Slowly he stood up, his body still aching.
"I thought so," he said. He began to pace around the table. "Now, one of our number, in his immense boredom, has taken it upon himself to wage war on humanity." He motioned to the empty throne; it reeked of stereotypical evilness: carvings of crows and snakes adorned it, and a pile skulls of varying sizes served as some sort of makeshift footstool. "Of course, we can't have this, because we love your kind and whatnot. We want you to stop him."
"You're gods, why can't you stop him yourselves?" asked Eric.
"Where's the fun in that?" said another god.
"This seems much more interesting!" said another, a jolly, overweight man. "Your kind can be so delightfully entertaining!"
"I see," said Eric. "What, do you guys, like, bet on us or something?"
"Of course!" said a goddess.
"So, this is a game?" asked Eric.
"Of sorts," she replied. "Don't take it the wrong way though; this is a wholly serious matter. There are human lives and souls at stake."
"Back to business!" said Sol. "Our brother Nestige has taken up residence in a fortress far to the north, in the country of Lebin. Go there and, you know... kill him or something."
Sol and the others ignored the quizzical look on Eric's face.
"Now," Sol continued, "you've been dead for some time, and because this is a covert mission of utter covertness, we can't have you walking around in your old, worm-ridden body. So, blah, blah, blah, reborn, blah, blah, blah, peak physical fitness, blah, blah, blah."
"Wait, I get a new body?" asked Eric.
"Yes! A magnificent one at that!" said a scantily dressed woman as she stood up from her throne.
"Oh, for the gods' sake, Lust, sit down," said Sol.
"Apologies," she said, as she sat down again. She bit her bottom lip and sent a wink Eric's way. Being hit on by a goddess only increased his already swollen ego.
"Now, your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to subvert his efforts to corrupt humanity and kill him. Are you paying attention?!"
"Do what now?" asked Eric, taking his eyes from Lust's legs.
"Humans," Sol sighed. "Good luck!"
Suddenly, the table fell open like a trap door. With a yell, Eric found himself falling through clouds. Faster and faster he fell, his body tumbling in every direction, wind rushing past his ears.
After several minutes, a bright flash blinded him.
When his vision returned, he saw the ground rushing towards him. He could see a small village below, with a lake to the south and a forest to the north.
"Hit the lake! Hit the lake!" he screamed.
Faster and faster he fell. Moments later, he hit the moist earth with a sickening thud, a few yards from the shore of the lake.

Consciousness found him once more. His body ached from the impact.
Standing up, he found himself quite naked, his body caked with grass and mud.
His mind was a haze. He slowly walked forward, his legs wobbling like jelly. He could hear something... familiar.
Clop, clop, clop.
What was that noise?
Clop, clop, clop.
His vision was a blur.
Clop, clop, clop.
Turning, his eyes focused in time to see a large wagon moving towards him, pulled by four horses.
His motor skills did not return to him in time, however, and he found himself being ran over by one of its large wheels.


Copyright 2011 by Eric Greer. All rights reserved.